Tag Archives: housework

How to do the laundry in 11 easy steps

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1. Wait until all the laundry baskets in the house are overflowing, and household members are starting to complain about running out of undergarments/towels/pajamas.

2. Sort into piles –> whites/dark colours/light colours, and pick the one that’s the biggest and/or most urgently required by said members (e.g. kid has no more clean undies = do whites).

3. Stuff as many of the clothes into the washing machine as possible without the warning light coming on. Or so that the machine can still sort of spin around. Yes, it’s tragic that there are still whites remaining the basket, looking at you accusingly because they know they’re not getting cleaned until next week, but hey, you need the machine to keep working, right?

4. Allow the clothes to sit in the machine for a few hours after completion. just sort of… resting. C’mon. They’ve just been spun round and round. They’re literally wrung out. I’m just giving them a chance to recover before grabbing and pulling them all over the place again.

5. Transfer the wet (and rested) clothes into a basket. Now, depending on my distraction/multitasking level, they might be allowed to ‘breathe’ in the basket for a little while before being hung out to dry. Who said that works only on fine wine?

6. Hang the clothes out to dry in the balcony, and put clips on each of them. This process can take anywhere between 10 minutes (adult clothes) to eternity (little, tiny kiddie clothes… this is possibly the hardest part of motherhood that no one ever warned you about).

7. Allow the clothes to hang out on the balcony for a while. Fresh air and sunshine are good, no doubt. But use your discretion. If it appears like the birds are starting to use your towels as a soft and comfortable perch, or that your clothes are developing a fine layer of dust on them, it might be time to bring ’em in.

8. Drape the clean(ish), dry clothes over the sofa of your choice. My favourite is the single seater right by our balcony door, but of course, the furniture pick is entirely yours. Prefer a side table or the couch? Go for it!

9. Fold the clothes when the sight of them cluttering up your drawing room finally starts to get on your nerves. Or when unexpected guests arrive. Whichever one happens first. Now allow them to perch, neatly folded and sorted, on the center table, waiting patiently to be put away. (In case of the unexpected guests, transfer to bedroom).

9 B. If folded clothes have not already taken residence on your bed, transfer them now.

10. When it’s time to go to bed, you may either a) actually put the clothes into the cupboards where they belong (least likely) or b) transfer them onto the dressing table (most likely) where they will remain, and be used as needed.

11. Watch sadly as the laundry baskets refill at frustrating speed with the exact same clothes you so slowly and painstakingly washed in Steps 1 to 10. Return to Step 1.

 

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Filed under Family, Humour

Uhm… what?

Moms, have you seen this one? If you’re like me, you’ve probably learnt to tune out whatever nonsense your kid insists on watching on YouTube. I usually just ensure she’s watching something kid-friendly and then block out the rest. But recently, the words of this rhyme filtered past my defences while the daughter was having her half-hour of YouTube time on the tablet (i.e. kid nirvana). Did I just hear what I thought I heard? Five strict mommies jumping on the bed? Uhm… what?

YouTube nursery rhymes are, of course, for most part, the absolute dregs. I’ve written on this in depth in the past, and won’t repeat myself. Suffice to say, the channels that advertise most aggressively, and therefore are most likely to be clicked by your YouTube video-surfing toddler, are the absolute worst. It’s like they set aside all their resources for the pimping and keep nothing at all for the actual content.

But, even by those low standards, this one is… uhm… strange. So you have five mommies jumping on the bed. There appears to be no cause to call them strict mommies — if anything, they seem to be all about letting their hair down and par-taying — but, apparently, strict they are. You have a grinning kid who calls the doc each time one of the mommies falls off the bed and bumps her head (you get the feeling she’s enjoying this role-reversal a little too much). At this point, you start to wonder… are these moms drunk and on a bender? ‘Cos lil monkeys falling off and bumping their heads… kinda understandable. Mommies, strict or otherwise, with such poor physical coordination? One too many bottles of wine would seem the most likely explanation for both the jumping and the falling (is that why they don’t seem strict too? Alcohol tends to do that). As an aside, who is this wonderfully available doc in these rhymes who picks up each time the mommy/kid calls with the exact same complaint? I must find me one of those.

But I digress.

Now, this is important — watch closely to see what happens after each mom has bumped her head. That’s right — she goes back to her regularly scheduled housework, like a good, chastened homemaker mommy. Her head hurts like a bitch (bump plus hangover… ouch), and she’s learnt her lesson. No more silly shenanigans for her! She’s going to stick to nice safe, ladylike activities like cooking and ironing and cleaning.

And that’s when it hits you. This video isn’t really strange at all. It might look like a silly, badly-animated nursery rhyme for kids, but it’s really a finger-wagging cautionary tale for mommies not to stray too far from the kitchen. No more mommies jumping on the bed! Except, presumably, with Daddy (oh c’mon, I know you were thinking that too). But only, of course, once she’s served him a nice hot dinner.

There. Aren’t all you good, strict mommies glad I brought this important video to your attention? (There are multiple versions for you to watch, in case you feel the message hasn’t hit home strongly enough with just the one). Now, please excuse me. I do believe there’s some housework I need to go finish.

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Filed under Humour, Motherhood, Uncategorized